Things I've learned in Kentucky

When you live alone and you run out of pie... It means that YOU ate the entire pie.

This is America.  Buy comfortable toilet paper.

Have a go-to beverage.  You don't make your first impression, your drink does.  Bourbon > umbrellas

Girls be crazy.  Good girlfriends are hard to come by.  Make time for them.

ALWAYS have an escape route: NYC, Colorado, VA, NC.

Having children is inversely proportional to your knowledge of the best viral videos.

Dogs are like children.  They will infuriate you to no end but you can't help but love them... even when they're turds.

Fortune favors the bold.