Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Adventures with P. Diddy

You want to know a secret Patty?
Sure.
Sometimes when I'm on car trips, I pretend like I'm still in Tanzania.
Really?  
Yea.  Is that weird.
I dunno.  Kinda
[clash bang scrape blow out scrreeech]
Oh [snap]
What was that?
Blow out.
Uh what are we supposed to do now.
You're not going to do anything.  I'm going to change it and you're going to sit here because we're on the side of the road and I don't want you to get hit by a semi.  Unless you want to go pee in the woods down there.
No, there might be bears.
I hate wild animals.
You're really fast.
I know.
That was a compliment.
Well that was my fourth.  Look, I need to stop and get another spare.  I'm not trying to have another blow out on this godforsaken highway and get stranded here.  This is the boonies.  And I've got precious cargo.  We'll stop up here, I know a place.
Aw, you think I'm precious cargo?
No, I've got my climbing gear in the back.
It smells like burning rubber.  Or maybe your air freshener.
Both.
...
Uh is this it?
Yea I think these guys have a tire that will fit.
This is Tanzania.  Except they have double wides instead of huts.
They're just good ol' boys.
They think you're a city slicker.
What do you think they think of you?
That I'm a priss.
You are.
NO I AM NOT!  Just because I can't change a tire or kill a bear with my bare hands does not make me a priss.
Ok.
Hey, you guys rock climbers?
Yea.
Well how do you get that rope up there?
This would be a one star trip if it weren't for the Rollings Stones playing out the side of that Dodge Neon.
I think that guy just pulled a knife on his friend.
We should go.
Yup.

Did you find your shoes?
Nope.
Oh, sorry.
Yea and some briar patch cut the [snot] out of my arm on the way down.  How was your nap?
Great.
...
I think we make a left to cut through the Gorge to Muir Valley.
Uh, that's a dead end.
This would totally be a one star trip if it weren't for such gorgeous weather.
 This was my first lead route.
What was the name again?
Mr. Bungle
I give it three stars.
Overall 3 star day.
Word.
Let's hit the road.  Margaritas or a giant Pacifico?

1 comment:

  1. Yay for a first lead on Mr. Bungle! It's not easy! Next stop... around the corner - Defy the Laws of Tradition

    PS, super jealous that the red is a day trip away from you.

    ReplyDelete